Obama reviews 2009:
Nobel Peace Prize - I feel very humble.
Copenhagen Global Warming - social democratic police clubbed eco-fascists in a freezing blizzard. How to frame that? Try 'China dazzled by America's first black President.'
Copenhagen Olympics - I was selling Chicago bull.
Afghanistan - the US military now has a clearly defined objective: do not embarrass me. The Taleban now has a clearly defined objective: wait for 18 months.
War on Terror - re-branded as 'lawsuits against mysteriously motivated mass murderers'. Nice alliteration. Somebody tell the Fort Hood guy and the underpants guy and KSM and Dick Cheney.
Israel - 4 per cent of Israelis think I'm on their side, but the religion of American Jews is Liberalism, so nuts to you, Netanyahu.
The Poles - I cancelled missile defence in Poland and Putin agreed to spend more on missile offence. We save, they spend. That's called 'finesse' in Harvard.
The Polls - things change... like voting registers, boundaries, subsidies to the MSM, votes for aliens, votes for convicts, votes for Mickey Mouse.
The Pols - sing it with gusto: "They can all be bought, tralala."
Speaking of Health Care - we bribed our own side's senators with money borrowed from China to be re-paid by our children so that they can buy compulsory health insurance or go to jail like it says in a penumbra to the Constitution. Yes we can.
TARP - Bush did it. Wait, it kindasorta looks as tho it worked. I did it.
The Economy - fuzzy math fixes all.
Iran - I ran.